Hellur, fancy face!
Welcome to another highly inappropriate weight loss journey post. It may interest you to know that I’ve recently (as in like 5 hours ago) embarked on a lil experiment with a 14 day teatox created by BooTea. It was recommended to me by one of my girls who has lost maddddddd weight (like MAAAADDDDD weight), so I thought ‘Shit den, lemme see what it’s really saying.’ I’ll be doing live updates on my Snapchat and will deliver a full honest review in 2 weeks’ time on your fave new blog (…yes, I mean this blog lol).
Onto what we’re actually talking about today…
When I began my weight loss journey again I had an idea of what to expect; the resisting of temptation to consume things I shouldn't to improve my diet, the physical challenges I would have to overcome to improve my fitness, the discipline to keep at it, and creating the mind-set to help me grow mentally and emotionally on this sometimes very fucking emotional experience.
When we take on these trying ass journeys, it's never a flippin straight road or uphill climb. Nope -the shit goes up, down, left, right…generally any direction you don’t want it to. When it comes to our body’s reactions, there's only so much about it that we can control. Ideally, everytime we eat a piece of salad, drink a glass of water, or do anything that resembles some semblance of exercise (walking to the fridge counts as cardio. Don’t @ me.) we want to see that we are 15 pounds lighter when we step on them scales, but that's not how the shit works.
When you first jump on this weight loss ting and you change yo shit up, your body is on a mad one. Weight loss is you and you are weight loss...then your body gets used to your new diet and routine, which means you've got to push a little more. It's a constant challenge, especially when you aren't blessed with a fast metabolism.
If you’re like me, the constant (self-imposed) pressure to go harder may be a lot for you to deal with mentally, especially when shit isn't going to plan.
Last week I had my cheat day. The following day, Mr took me to a hotel. I got high as fuck, and for those of you who enjoy God's magic flower, you already know how them munchies will have you fucking up a plate of food like it’s your last meal. I ordered too much then ate too much... I should probably stop smoking… Anyway, the following afternoon I stood on the scales to see that I'd gained 3 kilos.
I stripped off and stood on the scales again: 2.5 kg.
I went to the bathroom: 2 kg.
Embarking on these journeys then putting on a significant amount of weight in the process is the worst. You feel like a failure, like you didn't try as hard as you should have, that maybe cheat days aren't for you. As you shrink it’s like you get even harder on yourself because you can’t come this far then go backwards. That’s not progress. Honestly, it doesn't get easier, you just have to get tougher, but tough doesn’t always equal…well, tough.
The thing that has carried a heaux throughout this last year has been making sure that I fucks with myself, heavily, like on a whole other level of extravaganza. Self-care is one of the most valuable remedies I’ve learned through this process, simply because it pushes me to continue without berating myself and gives me a stress-free way to pick myself back up when I’m down.
Do shit that makes you feel good about your fuckin self, betch. It’s okay to take a lil break and switch off for a hot sec to get your head right. It’s vital.
Here’s a few self-care activities that I love that you can try out/incorporate into your own self-care routines for those days when things don’t go to plan.
When I feel like shit I listen to music with high vibrations, the kinda music that makes me feel like a cheeri-heaux (get it? Cheerio...cheri-he...anyway). I sing along at ig’nant volumes and dance in the mirror to it like it’s just me, by myself, and bitch when I say dance in the mirror I’m talking that carefree black girl 'wow wow wow thots' shit that you may not do in public because it’s that peak (in my case, extremely whorish or neeky). Listen, I do not fuck about when it's music time. Lemme get sad and fling on some Cheetah Girls (DON’T PLAY LIKE YOU DON’T FUCK WITH THE CHEETAH GIRLS PLEASE); a heaux will be strutting like she means it and freeing my uckin mind all up and down my room, doing dramatic hair flips with my wig and not caring if it flies off coz ain’t nobody but me there to see it. I’ll be doing big big international diva in my bedroom, singing all the harmonies and adlibs by my damn self all at the same time, because I am a one-bitch-band. Issa wave.
D’you know what else is a vibe, low key -herbal tea. You will drink a cup of peppermint tea and feel like your soul has been cleansed and refreshed, bitch!
Next: baths, and not just any regular bitch bath, nope. Heaux I‘m talking that ‘I done used half the fucking bottle of bubble bath, this water is so hot it will probably burn my skin so I’mma have to ease into it, there are candles all over the place like say I‘m being romanced but really I am romancing my damn self, I got that Sade on in the background and a fire ass book to read, so I will sit in this shit till my skin is wrinkled and the water turns cold, then I’mma top it up with more hot water because bitch, I aint done yet!’ kind of baths. Hooker, it is imperative that you go all out for these self-care baths. Stay in there for 5 hours. Enjoy yo’self!
Personal grooming is also my shit.
Ain’t no better feeling in the world that when you have removed all of the hair from your body. You feel like a vivacious velvet vixen, just be rubbing your thighs together for fun because the shit is smooth.
We doing the whole fuckin’ face regimen tonight, heaux! I’mma exfoliate, lather it in some weird shit that promises to tighten my pores, put some cumbers on my eyes and lay back because I’m bougie and tonight, life is a spa, rinse it off, use my face wash, get that micellar water, clear these pores, get that toner, then bitch I will slap on the thickest layer of Astral you have seen in your life (this tip came from Muva Amber Rose), and just sit there and let the shit marinate.
Wash your hair. Use all the products, deep condition yo shit, massage yo fuckin scalp! Yes betch, you smell like a coconut summer breeze and it’s wonderful!
Do your nails, do your makeup, because sometimes the shit that will bring you back from the edge is remembering how truly tun up you are, and realising that you’re on this journey and this ain’t even your final form. THESE SKREETZ AIN’T READY FOR YOU WHEN YOU REACH YOUR GOAL BITCH, HOW ARE YOU SO FIRE NOW AND THERE’S MORE FLYNESS TO COME. FUCK OFF. YOU ARE TOO MUCH!
Clear your space. Fling on some good music and tidy your room, change the sheets, dust, polish, sweep and reorganise some shit, then light you some incense and relax. This is heaven.
This is another good one; get your thoughts out. When I’m too wound up I write out exactly how the fuck I feel, completely unfiltered ‘cause ain’t nobody reading the shit but me. By the end of it I’ve talked myself down of whatever ledge I’m on, I’ve found a resolution to my problem and my peace is back where it should be.
Go outside. I’m not telling you to go hug no trees or nothing, but it’s summer, there is a park somewhere, just go there by yourself and just be amongst nature. Sometimes being surrounded by plants and animals and shit reminds you how small and magical you really are in the grand scheme of things, that whatever you’re worrying about may not be as deep as you think, and that you will get through it, because bitch, you've gotten over all the other shit in your life and you’re still here, getting these haters mad and thriving.
Take a nap. You remember when you were younger and it was nap time and you just were not on it, these days, as busy as we all are, naps are luxury. Literally, when I get too overwhelmed, it’s nap time. Shut off the world and dream a little dream of no stress. By the time I wake up, I’m good.
However, if you don’t have time to nap, I strongly recommend meditation. For those of you who follow me on Snapchat, you’ll know that I’ve hopped back on my spiritual journey and that my life is on the up because it helps to keep me focused and centred. Being that I fell off for a while, it’s not always easy to meditate without getting distracted, so for those of you who this is new to or if like me you have a little trouble clearing your mind, here is some great meditation music. Literally, all you have to do is set a timer for 10 minutes and concentrate on your breathing and nothing else (saying ‘so’ when you breathe in and ‘hum’ when you breathe out in your head or out loud also helps –recommended by Deepak Chopra). When your time is up you feel a little calmer and clearer.
Go to the gym. Yes, I know, it’s horrible and it makes you get hot, tired and sweaty and there is no dick involved, but girl, working out is scientifically proven to improve your mood because of the endorphins that it releases (endorphins are the chemicals that make you happy).
Understand that you are the captain of your yacht (I know the saying is ship, but I think yacht sounds more bougie and extra, so well go with that), and part of being the captain of your yacht mean that you are in control of yourself at every given moment, even when you don’t think you are. If shit goes left you can either choose to be upset about it and let circumstance control you or you can control your circumstance by choosing to find a lesson in every bad situation. Every negative experience you have can teach you something, if you let it.
It’s all about perspective, heaux. Look at where you went wrong and decide how you’re gonna handle it should it pop up on you again.
This is my best tip so I saved it till last -yell nice things at yourself in the mirror. When you’re feeling down about fucking up, or the way your body looks or whatever, all you’re focusing on is lack. You look for all the results you haven’t acquired yet and you beat yourself down about not having them, overlooking everything that you do have. I stand in the mirror (sometimes naked if I need a lotta love) and I compliment myself. When I first tried this method of affirmation, I begun with all the things I physically liked about myself. As my confidence grew I started finding the good in stuff I wasn’t too hot on: “YOU CAN REST SNACKS AND BOOKS ON YOUR BOOBS AND TUMMY. IT’S LIKE HAVING A DELUXE BUILT IN TRAY, LIKE ON A PLANE. YOU’RE LIKE A PRIVATE JET, BETCH!” I then moved onto my personality: “YOU DON’T SWEAR TOO MUCH, YOU’RE JUST FUCKING PASSIONATE ABOUT SHIT, PLUS SWEARING MAKES SHIT FUNNIER. YOU’RE BASICALLY A COMEDIAN!”
The reason that I harp on about building yourself up mentally throughout this process is because of the times when it’s not as easy as you’d like it to be. It’s important that you can be your own support system because you may not always have someone to lean on. Once you’ve shown yourself some proper love and respect, your mind will be right as rain (never understood that saying. Rain is dead.) and you can get back on track without having anything fucking with you.
If you enjoyed this post you may also enjoy my free downloadable guide, #LavishLife, a motivational 9 step programme that I createdespecially for you, to help you live your best life beyond just weight loss, e.g. if you want a new job, more money, a better social life, etc, the #LavishLife guide will have something for you. You deserve to have everything you want and you can. All you gotta do is take care of you, bitch.
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Until next time, fancy face
Love Scotty x