I Tried The £8 Clitoral Suction Stimulator from Poundland
Hello my loves, and welcome to the Haus of Unfamous, with me your Fairy Heaux-Muva, Scotty Unfamous, here to help you live your best heaux life, darling. I hope you’re all doing well!
I have quite an exciting review in store for those of you on a budget. I was originally going to do a YouTube review on this product, but with mainstream platforms locking down on sex related content and content creators I thought the safest bet would be to keep it on my platform.
Enough of the shit stuff, let’s get into why you are actually here; you want to know if the Poundland sex toys are any good.
Back in 2017, to literally everyone’s surprise, UK budget retailer Poundland launched their first sex toy range, Nooky, with an ethos centred around affordability, “We believe there should be no financial barrier to pleasure,” they said, and I agree. As the years have rolled on their products have elevated, leading us to their 2022 offering that I was kindly gifted. Out of all of the toys included in the collection, I had my eyes and vulva set on one -the Nooky Clitoral Suction Stimulator, which costs a mere £8 if you buy it in store and £15 if you buy it online.
My first thoughts flitted between not only if a product that was so affordable would be any good, but more importantly, would it be safe? The materials for most of their sex toys aren’t listed on the site, which I’m not crazy about, as transparency when it comes to things that we’re putting in our genitals is important to know, so I made sure to check with the Nooky representative who contacted me. They assured me that their range is body safe. As far as the suction toy goes, I’ll give them that, but I’m not so sure about the others (the dildo is listed as being made from TPE, which although non-toxic, is porous, meaning it will hold onto bacteria no matter how much you try to sanitise it, it can contain harmful chemicals, is highly unstable and will degrade over time). If you have to go with something from this range, stick to the suction vibe.
If you are new here, this is how my written reviews go; I’ll run you through the specs of the toy, let you know how I found it, give you my final thoughts and round it off with my 5 star rating system.
So let’s get into the specs of the toy.
SPECIFICATIONS
· Premium Silicone Suction Head
· Pinpoint clitoral stimulation
· Pulsation Technology
· 11 suction patterns
· Requires 2x AAA Batteries
· 86mm in length
· Comes in Pink and Orange
My Experience
The unboxing experience is pretty basic; there’s the box, a plastic moulded insert and the toy (batteries not included). If you’re not a heaux for pretty packaging like me, this is nothing, and to be fair, for £8, I wasn’t really expecting any bells and whistles anyway. The toy itself comes in two dopamine inducing shades of either bright neon pink or a peachy orange. It’s little and cute and fits perfectly into your palm, but be warned, there is no mention of a guarantee, so I have no idea how long this shit will last.
As the toy is not waterproof, it is recommended on the box that you clean the nozzle with a disinfectant wipe. I sprayed mine with antibacterial toy cleaner and a wet wipe, then proceeded to put the batteries in so I could see what this petite suction device could do. Those of you who have been following my reviews for a while will know that I’m not really a fan of battery-operated toys *cue my stupid ‘We don’t want no batteries…’ song*. I’m very much a USB rechargeable babes, simply because I don’t want to get hyped up to use my toy, switch it on one day and realise that it’s either dead or on its last fucking legs, meaning that I have to go and hunt down batteries or *god forbid* LEAVE my house. Also, it’s not great for the environment. I will note here that the battery slot took a bit of fiddling before I could slide it open, but open it did and I guess that’s what counts.
Surprisingly, I don’t have a weird ass heaux story to give you guys this time (there’s a first time for everything). It was the middle of the afternoon, I was stressed and just wanted a hit of feel good endorphins to help me unwind. I slipped into bed, pressed the singular power/function button and once it lit up with its electric pink glow, I placed it between my legs. I appreciated that the diameter of the nozzle is pretty generous, because my clitoris gives main character energy vibes, so it slipped in easily, which is a plus because that means it will accommodate most sizes. Once it was securely in place, I noticed a tapping sensation on the head of my clit from the pulsation function. It wasn’t terrible, I’m definitely one for a tapping toy every now and then, but I’m not used to having that feeling with suction vibrators. I think that perhaps the hole is too shallow for my anatomy. Nevertheless, I continued to explore.
To change the pattern, give the power button a quick press. I use the word pattern loosely as although it brags about having 11 suction patterns, it’s merely a speed setting. 11 different speeds, each more intense than the last. This is not a complaint, because if you know me, you know that I rarely venture into the more complex vibrations, preferring a straightforward buzz that won’t let up, but if you do prefer different patterns, this is something to note. I found my stride on the 4th setting.
I must say that as far as sound goes, it’s nice and quiet, ranging from 20 decibels on its lowest setting (described on my decibel metre as ‘mosquito/rustling leaves’) to 30 decibels at its highest (whisper/quiet room).
I found the tapping sensation quite intense after a while and when I climaxed (maybe around 3 minutes in) and my clitoris reached the point of hypersensitivity, the tapping was a little painful. As I said, this may be my own anatomical issue. If your clitoris also has main character energy, maybe avoid it, but if you’re working with something more petite, this could be right up your street. To turn it off, just press and hold the power button.
Final Thoughts
For the price, the toy is pretty decent. It’s beginner friendly, easy to clean, easy to use, quiet, you can achieve orgasm with it and if you’ve ever wanted to try a suction toy but haven’t had the funds for a top of the line one, this is a nice affordable place to start to see if you like them. If your clitoris is really sensitive or protrudes a bit more, you can still give it a go if you really want to, but stay on the lower settings.
Would I use it again? Eh *shrugs* honestly, I have better options in my arsenal like the LELO Sila and Satisyer Pro 2, so probably not. I also don’t love that it needs batteries and isn’t waterproof. I’ll give it a bly for the packaging coz it’s only £8.
I’m going to give the Nooky Clitoral Suction Stimulator 3 out of 5 stars.
If you’d like to get your bits on one, you can get it here for £15 (the pink one is currently sold out) or pop down to your local Poundland and see if they have it in stock for £8.
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