Having sexual confidence plays a huge part in how we see and conduct ourselves. One of the main reasons that I write erotic romances, post sex toy reviews, shamelessly share my heaux antics with you and rant about female sexual empowerment is because, as women, it’s important for us to normalise and encourage these kinds conversations so that we may all become more comfortable with our own sexuality.

Unfortunately, studies show that 1 in 5 UK women lacks confidence in her sexuality. But what are we afraid of?

Let’s talk about it.

 As well as 1 in 5 UK women lacking confidence in their sexuality:

  • 50% of gay & bicurious women lack confidence in their sexuality

  • 90% of women disagree with the statement, ‘I’m uncomfortable around people whose sexual preferences are different to mine’

  • The older we get, the less judgemental of one another we become

With such a large majority of women being comfortable around people with different sexual preferences and most of us becoming less judgemental of others the older we get, why is there such a statistical disconnect between these attitudes and the number of women that lack sexual confidence?

The fear of being labelled or judged by society plays a key role in this, because sex (one of the most natural things that we engage in), especially when it concerns women, is attributed to something to feel ashamed of rather than to be embraced and celebrated (which is ridiculous, because sis, have you had sex? It’s LIT! Isn’t that some shit you wanna celebrate all the damn time #Hallelu #HeauxIsLife!).

This social imbalance can lead a lot of us being made to feel like we don’t have the right to own our body or our desires, being uneducated about and afraid to explore them, fearful to speak up about what we need from our partners to be sexually fulfilled, to something as simple saying no. Lack of sexual confidence also creates toxic attitudes of women judging and putting down other women because of the belief that we shouldn’t be allowed to enjoy our sexuality with the same gusto as men.

If you follow me on social media, then you’ve heard me mention the infamous Scarlet Ladies, a diverse community of women from all walks of life, committed to supporting female sexual empowerment and taking away the stigma and shame around sex. My kind of girls!

I worked with the Scarlet Ladies earlier this year where I did a reading at their #iWriteSex event (it was bomb! Lavish settings, sexually empowered women, erotica and wine. I was in fancy heaux heaven), which was part of their #iTalkSex campaign.

This year they’re beginning a new campaign, #TalkSexChangeLives, and I’m proud to announce that they’ve invited my unruly ass to be an ambassador, which I’m super stoked about because I genuinely believe in the amazing work that these amazing women do.

Creating safe spaces where women can talk freely about sex in a positive light is important. The more conversation that we create around female sexuality, the more we realise that we aren’t alone, that there is nothing wrong with us and that we have no reason to be ashamed.

When we are willing to be open and speak our truth, we learn exactly how powerful we are, and when we are empowered we are able to empower others so that they might do the same.